Saturday, June 03, 2006

X-Men 3 Revisited...

I have now seen X-Men: The Last Stand I now know the definition of the words "crap", "trash" and "oh god why?" On the bright side, my predictions in X-Men 3... were all correct.

How many people died? Well... Saving Private Ryan had fewer deaths... and so did World War II.

Introducing every popular character ever written was a bold move. Killing them off was a bolder one, one I appreciated.

How do you use six razor sharp knives as defensive weapons without killing someone? Wolverine must know, `cause I sure as hell don't.

By the way, Jean Grey goes all kinds of homicidal crazy and everyone wants to forgive her? So she killed our beloved leader... feh. So she kills our beloved mentor... who cares? So she's supposed to be about 28 and looks 45... big deal.

What happened, people? Marvel keeps trying to alienate their audience and no one says boo. I watched Ultimate Avengers... CRAP! I watched Blade Trinity... CRAPPIER!! And now I've watched X-Men 3... CRAPPEST!!!

DC Comics releases two winners in a row with Batman Begins and V for Vendetta with a bouncing baby Superman Returns on the way and Marvel's response is a Deep Impact to their Armageddon?

I hope you all get that really bad stomach cramping diarrhea, you know, the one that's a wet and painful and doesn't seen to stop because you've been bad. And not in a red head dominatrix in six inch stiletto heels kind of bad... The bad kind of bad.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

10:47 p.m....

The Dark Knight.

The Bat-Man, born in May 1939, in detective Comics no. 27, a small rural town found about ten miles from the hamlet of Action Comics no. 1 (Founded in June 1938) was the post-thesis of the hard-boiled detective. But gone was the down-on-his-luck gumshoe; replaced by the dual personaed millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne, son of murdered the Dr. Thomas Wayne, MD and former socialite Martha Wayne, who died after seeing The Mark of Zorro starring Tyrone Power.

According to legend the young boy had seen his parents murdered before his eyes by an unknown villain and kneeling in the blood of his parents swore to fight crime and injustice for the rest of his life. His fortune placed in a trust until his twenty-fifth birthday, young Bruce studied every possible science, from acarology to zymology. He mastered chemistry and electronics. Upon his graduation he briefly attended the FBI academy, but left when the Law's ideals of Right conflicted with Justice's ideals of Right. He traveled the globe under guise of a prolonged sabbatical to train with the anyone he felt would be able to train him to fight his secret war. He tracked down the world's greatest detectives, manhunters, illutionists, and even the Master of Magic Giovanni "John" Zatara whose daughter, Zatanna Zatara, would one day fight alongside the Justice League Europe. He would then go on to study every major form of martial art, eventually mastering both them and the minor.

Bruce Wayne would arrive back in Gotham shortly after his twenty-fifth and meet disaster on his first excursion. Near death on that first night he sat in his father's study and was ready to die a failure when an ancient brown bat crashed through the windows. It was then that the Bat was born.

With a small group of confidants; including Dr. Leslie Thomkins, Alfred Pennyworth, then Lieutenant James Gordon, and then Assistant District Attorney Harvey Dent; Batman fought first the small time crooks, planting superstition and then attacked organized crime and city corruption. Like a force of nature his shadow crossed the city: a glimpse of a cape and cowl was enough to break the most hardened criminal.

Two years after his debut Bruce Wayne would adopt recently orphaned Dick Grayson, whose parents, professional trapeze artists, John and Mary Grayson, would be murdered in an extortion scheme against the Haly's Circus by Boss Vitto Marconi. The boy's natural athletic abilities in trapeze and gymnastics would allow him to fight alongside the Dark Knight as Robin, the Boy Wonder.

The story would continue on from there. Batman formed alliances with Superman, The Flash (Barry Allen), Wonder Woman, Aquaman, J'onn J'onzz the Martian Manhunter, and Green Arrow creating the foundations of the modern Justice League of America. Robin would form his own allegiance with the wards of the World's Greatest Super-Heroes: Kid Flash, Wonder Girl, Aqualad and Speedy; who would one day become the Teen Titans and then simply the Titans. During this time Barbara Gordon would adopt the Mantle of the Bat as Batgirl, fighting alongside the Dynamic Duo.

Dick Grayson was eventually retired as Robin and took up the mantle of Nightwing, now a Knight of Gotham. The tragic tale of Jason Todd is a sad story of anger and treachery, dying at the hands of the Clown Prince of Crime, the Joker, formerly the Red Hood, betrayed by his own long-lost mother. Batman sank into a depression that only deepened when the Joker shot and raped Barbara Gordon in an attempt to drive her father, Commissioner James Gordon, insane. Although Barbara would return to the Bat Squad as the Oracle, Batman never forgave himself for her injuries.

The story carries on with the arrival of the third Robin, Tim Drake, who would decipher the true identity of Batman and much like Batgirl forced his way into the expanding Bat Squad.

I could probably go on for hours. Batman is and was a personal favorite and will continue to be so forever: If I can sit though Batman & Robin and Catwoman... I can handle anything.

  • You'll probably enjoy the following links:
    This is a music video I put together: Batman Begins - Music Video.
  • This is a Batman/Alien/Predator Fanfilm: Batman: Dead End.
  • This is a Robin/Joker/Superman/Wonder Woman/Penguin... Watch this Fanfilm: It'll blow your mind: Grayson.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

da Vinci...

I was hoping to avoid this...
I honestly didn't want to do this...
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO SAY THIS...

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown is FICTION.

My goodness people, your making a big deal about a book and a movie that were made to make money. I never would have even read the book if I hadn't spent months tripping over websites and watching commercials (How much did The Discovery Channel make for all those shows?) for how The Da Vinci Code is a lie, its all wrong, blah, de, blah, de, blah, blah.

Are we so low on the intelligence food chain that we argue the validate of a fictional novel? Why isn't anyone writing books, articles, blogs, screenplays, et al about Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings or The Matrix?

What about The Chronicles of Narnia? It specifically describes Creation, of course, G-d is a lion named Aslan... Eve becomes the White Queen... And I haven't heard anything about this. No complaints. No nothing. Its still a good book; but I digress.

Sigh...

People... It's a book. Decently written, easy to follow. No complaints. I recommend his other books: Angels & Demons, Deception Point, and Digital Fortress.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Kids Today...

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.
Socrates (469-399 B.C.)

I was thinking about the Columbine Massacre. An episode of Third Watch reminded me of it.

I thought about all the things that parents, parents groups, et al said were causing school shootings and related violence. Music, video games, books, et cetera.

Do you blame John Lennon for Charles Manson?

I don't believe any form of media has ever caused a deep homicidal urge. Elvis Presley was blamed for being an overwhelming sexual presence. Marilyn Manson was blamed for being a child threatening monster. I've read his lyrics and they read as social commentary at best and little weird at worst. Why are we blaming these people for the fact that occasionally sh!t happens and that sometimes people will snap?

The Waltz was banned as being a dangerous and destructive to the youth of the day... Thank goodness the Bump and Grind wasn't around.

Can we honestly blame the media for what's been an ongoing problem since teenagers first roamed the earth?

Monday, May 08, 2006

Celebrity Sex Tapes...

When does it become a good idea to let a loved one film you in a compromising position?
Paris Hilton (when did she become a celebrity?), Kelsey Grammer, Pamela Anderson, Tonya Harding, Colin Farrell, Gena Lee Nolin, Joanie "Chyna" Laurer, et al...

Some did it as a publicity stunt (Paris, we're talking about you), others had it stolen (Pamela, we know), a few needed the money (Tonya... Or rather her ex-husband), but the end result is usually the same: Dozens, if not hundreds and thousands of websites, adult book stores, and peer-2-peer servers suddenly have it. Lord, do they have it.

Some are fake: Barbara Streisand...Fake. Christina Aguilera... Fake (And the tape, not just her talent). Alyson Hannigan... Fake.

But why would a sane person let another tape them? If you're regular people... ya know... no paparazzi following you as you take out the trash or grab a coffee, then I can dig it. But if your a former model/actress trying to build a career (Gena) or a... I don't know... professional wrestler making $100,000 a year or so (Laurie)... WHY?!?

What could possess you to think that this guy or girl with whom your enjoying a VHS romp with might not take the damn thing when they've decided they don't like you and your crappy additude (Kelsey)?

Anti-smoking...

Smoking is bad for you.

I'm not going to lie. But treating smoking as the worst possible thing a person can do is bad as well.

California is thinking about banning smoking statewide. They'll still allow drinking. Mostly because alcohol has never hurt anyone... ever. Never ever... and don't forget to say "She fell down again."

Columbus, Ohio won't allow people to smoke within TWENTY FEET of a nearly all businesses, but allow single people to drive SUVs within inches of childrens' schools. Which puts out more dangerous gasses and fumes in larger quantities. And don't forget how many children can crushed to death under the rolling two ton thunder of a pack of cigarettes... I mean, SUVs... I always get the two confused.

Pharmasutical companies will sell drugs for years and list horrible side affects, and then act surprised when people discover more and then sue. They recall drugs and then hope no one, or at least very few, people sue.

I counted commercials over the space of a 18 hour programming cycle. on a major television network:
40% were for alcohol and prescriptions
25% were for anti-smoking ads
30% were for auto companies selling SUVs and larger vehicles
5% were anti-drug commercials

What happened to warning children and parents about real dangers of drinking, drugs and unprotected sex?

At the time of this posting I have sent two e-mails to the Truth. I asked about the commercial in which they shave peoples' heads to represent chemo survivors. I asked if they saved to hair and donated it to Locks For Love. I never recieved an answer and my e-mail address was blocked when I tried to send a third.

Go figure.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

The greatest book ever written...

Mit-Ro-Don by D. R. Spires. A science fiction novella written about an alien invasion taking place during the 1970s. I highly recommend it. Nuff said.

Friday, May 05, 2006

X-Men 3...

Why won't they stop?

X-Men:
Sure; Wolverine's six feet tall, Storm sounds about as African as Yahoo Serious, and their main enemy is in his late seveties (I, personnally, would have started fighting humanity in my thirties).
But there's load of cheesy action, poor special effects, a lot of lousy dialouge, and overdone national landmark sets.

I really like the part where Wolverine does the classic "anti-hero becomes nice guy/father figure." And I hope Steven Seigal burns for eternity in a pit filled with those unsold, melted down, 99¢ bin releases of his movies for creating said character.

And Proffessor X having the only computer on Earth that doesn't scan for viruses when a REAL biological virus has been put into it?

And when the truck is on fire and Storm and Cyclops stroll up to it? I don't care if I'm fire-proof! If I'm trapped in a 20 year old truck held together with rust and primer paint sitting on a tank of gas and a propane tank and its bursting into flames... YOU RUN TO ME!! God, I wanted to puke in my soup.
And what happened to the "no killing" rule? Wolverine learns not to carve his initials into peoples foreheads during his long weekend stay at the X Mansion while Storm hits Toad with lightening? The last time I was struck by lightening and then fell three hundred I died messily... but then it was Ray Park... He did kill Qui-Gon Jinn, the last good character George Lucas has come up with in the last decade.

GEORGE, HERE'S THE TRUTH: I DON'T CARE ABOUT NEW TECHNOLOGY TO MAKE IT
REALLY LOOK LIKE SOME PUNK KID IS FLYING THROUGH SPACE!! I JUST WANT A GOOD STORY AND BELIEVABLE CHARACTERS!! WHAT HAPPENED TO Indiana Jones, Willow, American Graffiti AND THX 1138? DUDE, YOU WERE A KING ONCE AND NOW YOUR ANOTHER HOLLYWOOD SLOP JOCK! YOU MAY AS WELL BE MAKING LOW-BUDGET CRACK WHORE PORN FOR ALL THE HEART YOUR PUTTING INTO YOUR WORK TODAY!!
AND STEPHEN SPIELBERG... WHAT THE HELL WAS WITH THE LAST FIFTEEN MINUTES OF ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE: AI? I MEAN, ALIENS WHO CAN RESURRECT THE DEAD TO MAKE A LITTLE ROBOT BOY HAPPY? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO "SOMETIMES A SAD ENDING IS STILL OKAY?"
YOU SUCK!!


Sorry, back to the actual subject.

X-Men 2:
MAKE IT STOP!!
Nightcrawler was cool and accurate. Everything else sucked!! Storm using tornados as presicion weapons against human beings 15,000 feet in the air?

Jean Grey deciding she has the Phoenix Gift?

Magneto and Mystique giggling about the fact that they tortured and nearly killed Rogue?

IT HURTS!! GOD, IT HURTS!!!

X-Men 3:
Going out on a limb...

Lots of cheesy action, poor special effects, a lot of lousy dialouge, and overdone national landmark sets. Wolverine will fight some ninja/cyborg/lost-lover-turned-vengeful-cuisinart.

Storm will say something about the weather and a bunch of The Day After Tomorrow CGI leftovers will be thrown into the pot.

Jean and Cyclops will break up, get back together, break up, get back together, break up, get back together, break up, get back together, break up, get back together,break up, get back together, and then Cyclops will comment on how non-violence is the only way and then kill a guy.
Magneto will babble about how humanity hates him... and only him... Well, he does kidnap and kill senators.

Mystique will prance around using bad Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon crap kung-fu in about twenty pounds of latex and Dutch Boy Paint.

Buildings will fall, cars will explode, Proffessor X will comment on how he's here to protect us, and then the good guys will win.

Don't get me wrong... I like the Ultimate X-Men Marvel put out a few years back. In fact, the entire Ultimate series rocks. They use that logic thing that seems so underrated in so many of their other ventures: Where do you think Spider-Man's web would come from in Logic World? A hint: Spider's generate web from their asses.
So... Spider-Man has butts on his hands... I hope he washes those after going to the bathroom.

The whole concept of Marvel Comics mutation is even crap!! Mutation affects a general area with similar attributes: Cave fish are albino and blind. Deep sea fish have bioluminecent bacteria living in them, et cetera.

God, save me.

The wife...

Icky. The only person I allow to annoy me and live with me. I love her. I hate her dog, all 60 puppy pounds of him, but I love her.

File-sharing...

Of course, file-sharing is illegal.

It's piracy, believe it or not. When you download a file from a peer-to-peer server your no better than Captain Kidd, Edward Teach, or any terrorist that ever hi-jacked a plane.

Doesn't that sound insane?

I was thinking about Tommy Chong, formally of Cheech and Chong, who was arrested and imprisoned for selling drug paraphernalia. Not the drugs themselves, but the means with which to use drugs. Now, if the government will go after the guys selling the tools, why haven't Internet Service Providers been charged with anything?

And what about VCRs and recordable DVDs? How many people watched the last episode of Dog: The Bounty Hunter and just had to tape it? If they loan a couple to friend who makes a copy, isn't that file-sharing? Why aren't Sony and Microsoft being charged as accessories?

Anyway... I'd like to start a campaign to stop all file-sharing. I've done some research and I've determined that the greatest source of peer-2-peer sharing is occurring right under the government's nose:

Public libraries.

Why you can walk into any library in this county and request nearly any book, movie, CD in the world. And they don't care if you copy stuff. We need to stop this evil, or at least fine them the quarter million dollars I see on the FBI warning on movies. C'mon, people!! FIGHT LIBRARIES!!

My brothers...

Leigh and Allex.

These are probably two of the most interesting people you'll ever have the opportunity to meet. Geniuses in their own right, they can and someday will take the world by storm.

I would say more, but without permission I'd be violating a trust I've damaged in the past.

"I love you, guys."
-Trey Parker

HA! Now the world knows!!